Do I need to lose weight?

Do I need to lose weight? I normally would answer "no I'm fine" and I suppose in some ways I am. Well, maybe I could do with losing the odd pound or two (about twenty-one to be truthful) but I'm fine, I really am, I'm fine. Honestly, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine..........

Hmmmm, actually,  I'm not fine, I'm overweight, there I've said it! I'm overweight, it's took me nearly forty-four years to achieve it (I'm strangely proud of that)! It's had it's ups and downs but unfortunately it's my weight that's  been on a big "up" for the last eighteen months so I think a "down" is long overdue.  

So where do I start? Well, I've pushed the not very healthy food to the back of the fridge/cupboards. I refuse to throw food away though, one day I might appreciate that kit kat or that pack of garlic butter! You never know I may even come across a diet that encourages copious amounts of warm garlic bread oozing with  butter (I'm not doing myself any favours am I?).

Seriously though, I decided to do something about it, with hubs too (if I'm on a diet then so is he). 

How? Was the next question. I asked my best friend as she's always watching what she eats and has a lovely figure. Weightwatchers? Slimming world? They both help an awful lot of people but Emma recommended a app for my iPhone (a free one at that). So I downloaded "My fitness pal" (the title frightened me as I'm allergic to anything that even resembles fitness) and what a clever app it is.  It asks for your sex, height, age, weight and how much you'd like to lose then all you have to do is log everything you eat or drink and also what exercise you've done that day including light housework and walking. It takes a bit of getting used to but it's very helpful. 

So we've been calorie counting for a week now and I'm delighted to say I've lost one and a half pounds. I feel thinner and I have more energy. It's s good start I suppose, hubs lost nearly twice as much as me (grrr), but I was hoping for a little more, and yes before you ask  I shaved my legs, had a pee (and emptied my bowels) speed ran on the spot for a minute or two (about 10 seconds in reality) to squeeze another ounce of fat out of me (urgh that sounds awful). 

I know this is the start of a very long journey, very long. Can I do this? Do I want to? I've eaten fish three times this week and that's a record for me especially as it hasn't been deep fried in batter (yum)! Oh how I love my fattening food, chocolate, chips and more chocolate, not forgetting alcohol. that reminds me, I'm out tonight with hubs and two other couples for a meal and drinks (and it could get messy)! 

I am fatter than I should be and I suppose for the sake of my health I need to do something about it even though to start with it may be tough. Or am I just trying to talk myself into it?

So dear readers, do I need to lose weight? 

How do we cope when our children leave home?

How do we cope when our children leave home?  We don't! Us mothers just cry and cry and wish we could turn the time back to when they needed us.  We look at baby photos, sit in their  bedroom and wallow in self pity feeling like our world had ended.  We are mums for goodness sake what else our we meant to do. What's are identity if we aren't "mum"? What's are role in life? What are we meant to do now? 

Just remember for one moment that we haven't always been a parent, that before being totally consumed by our little bundle of joy we were happy individuals. We were strong independent women. That's what we were and that's what we can be again (I say, sitting up straight with a determined face)! I'm not going to let this empty nest get me down! We should be proud of ourselves for bringing up our children into good well rounded individuals. Yes, we did it! A pat on the back!

But we'll soon discover that our "mum skills" are very much in demand. How to cook this, do we have to defrost that? What's the best washing detergent to buy? Why has the chicken we've just roasted have no breast meat on it? (because it's you've cooked it upside down). How much does this cost?  How much does that cost? 

See, our job hasn't finished has it!  It's just changed slightly. But now it's time for us to do whatever we want. Want to cook naked? Now you can, (though I wouldn't advise it)! Want to play Michael Bublè at full volume? You can with no one complaining that he doesn't rap.  

You've probably guessed by now that my son is leaving home (again). He left about a year ago but came back after six months. I'll never forget it.  Hubs was away working at the time (so I could cry all the time and feel sorry for myself).  On his last night at home we watched an episode of Cougar Town,  ironically it was about Travis leaving home and how difficult it was for Jules his mum. She wanted a poignant moment together which summed up their relationship and I wanted the same. There was so many things I wanted to say to my son-

•We've had a good time haven't we?

•I'm very proud of you. 

•Thank you for being a good son. 

•We did it mate, didn't we?

•I always be your mum and I'll always be here for you. 

•Oh and I'm not going to do your laundry!

But when it came to it, son just hugged me for about ten seconds and I couldn't speak, nothing came out of my mouth and do you know what? It didn't matter, the silence from both of us spoke volumes and that was our poignant moment. Tomorrow (september 14th) I've got to do it all over again.  Will it be easier the second time?  Will I be stronger?  I doubt it.  I'll just give him a hug and try my hardest not to cry (though I know I'll fail) and say see you later and he'll go.  Then I'll retreat to my bedroom and sob and sob and sob some more then take a couple of migraine tablets (I won't be caught out this time). 

I know I'll get used to son not living here but I think hubs and I will consider moving house to somewhere smaller.  New beginnings for all of us.  New home, maybe new hobbies. It's going to be an exciting time I suppose with new challenges and adventures. Starting with two weeks in Rhodes (a Greek island)! 

But wherever I am, whatever I'm doing I'm still, and always will be,  his mum. 

So dear readers,  How do we cope when our children leave home?

Do you prefer tea of coffee?

Do you prefer tea or coffee? I need to know as its very important. When you come round for elevenses I would like to serve you what you like the best. So before you come I'll go to the supermarket and get your favourites. 

What about a nice cup of tea? Yes? Would you like English tea or Assam (my favourite), Earl grey, darjeeling, green tea, mint tea, jasmine tea, camomile tea or a fruity infusion? You want English tea, good decision! Tea bags or loose tea?  Tea bags, ok! That's good and less faffing about.  Which brand? Yorkshire tea, Tetley tea, PG Tips, Twinings or Typhoo?   You'd like Twinings, ok, though they aren't the cheapest but never mind it's a special occasion.  Would you like milk with your tea? Yes? Full fat, semi-skimmed or skimmed? So you'd prefer semi-skimmed. 

What, you've changed your mind! Ok ok I'm not stressed at all! Coffee it is then! I could do you instant, filtered or I have a Dolce Gusto coffee maker, what's your choice? Instant? Well that surprised me, I thought you'd like a Dolce Gusto latte or cappuccino!  Did you know instant coffee was invented in 1901 by Satori Kato who was a Japanese scientist in Chicago. (Remember that fact and impress your friends with your knowledge, over coffee of course) Nescafé? Good choice, but which one?  Original, Gold blend, Black gold blend, Blend 37, Alta Rica, Cap Columbie, Suraya or Azera? Gold Blend? Ok got it!  Milk, cream or Coffee Mate? (I'm beginning to regret inviting you now)! You don't mind, milk it is then (I'll save the Coffee Mate for me)! Sugar? Yes? White sugar, brown sugar or a sweetner? Brown sugar? Oh you're posh! One lump or two?

Cake or a biscuit? A biscuit, which sort do you like? A digestive, Rich tea, custard cream, jammie Dodger, ginger biscuit, Oreo, shortcake or a chocolate chip cookie? What? You can't make your mind up? I think I have a better idea! Shall we go to Starbucks? Yes? Great! So dear readers do you prefer tea or coffee?

What's on TV?

What's on tv? That's the question that's always asked of me. I have hundreds of channels so they're bound to find something. But to be honest I don't care in the slightest what they watch as long as its something because I spend most of the day switched off.
Hello, I suppose I better ask you how you are,  I'm ok I guess though I could do with a dust. I'm sure Bosslady will get around to it soon, I say lady as Bossman never ever dusts me, though thinking about it he watches me more than anyone!

I'm Kojak the television (I was named after the "Telly" Savalas character) and I'm the miserable bloke that sits in the corner of the room. I'm married to Veronica the Virgin (is she hell a virgin)media box, she sits on the shelf underneath me, the best place for her as far as I'm concerned! On the bottom shelf is Delilah the DVD player but she's retired now. Me and Veronica have two children, Randy Remote and Raquel Remote. They live on the coffee table and are good friends with Jason the iPhone.

  Nearly every evening my owners sit together on their sofa staring at me. Now and again they laugh, occasionally Bosslady cries at sad movies or programmes but mostly they just stare at me with a blank look on their faces, (though I think that's normal for Bossman).  What I do approve of though is there love of documentaries, I've learnt such a lot, such as, did you know that there are 1792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower and the only place you can "tickle" yourself is the roof of your mouth (try it as obviously I haven't a mouth, or a finger for that matter).

When they go to bed its Bernard the bedroom TVs turn. Bernard was telling me that when they go to bed its the old chap that turns him on but as soon as he's decided on which channel to watch then he immediately goes to sleep. The lovely young lady then switches Bernard off and plays with Jason!

On occasion the Bosses play on Will (the Wii console). They enjoy a variety of games including tennis, bowling, table tennis and the old fellar likes playing tactical games but the funniest for me to watch is "Just Dance" where they and their house guests attempt to keep up with the dance moves on my screen. It's hilarious!
You've heard the phrase "fly on the wall" well I bet you never heard about the "Tv in the corner". Ha, I bet you never thought about that one, did you?  I'm not just here for your entertainment you know, oh no, you often entertain us televisions too.

Oh no Lady has turned me off and my red light will go off in seconds. Doesn't she want to know.....
What's on tv?

When do you recharge your batteries?

When do you recharge your batteries? I get the chance overnight even though I'm still being used!
Let me introduce myself, I'm Jason, Chelles iPhone. I was named after one of her friends who's intelligent, but can be a little camp at times (I had a stupid sparkly red cover and looked a bit girly, don't let that put you off me).
I'd like to make it clear from the outset, I'm treated very well. I'm pleased to say she changed my awful red cover to a slightly better one, only slightly better though as its mauve, I mean, who wants to wear mauve. Doesn't my mistress realise I'm a manly man! It's a good job I'm not confused about my sexuality! After all, if I was human I'd be Hollywood hard-man Vinnie Jones (but better looking).

I spend most of my time in her soft hands while she gently taps away at my slim torso. She gazes at me in deep thought before using my keyboard to its full potential then often using the "x" to delete a lot of her words. Unbeknown to Chelley my delete button is one of my erogenous zones and boy does she work it! (The others my space bar) oh yes!

I am my mistresses favourite thing. She plays with me loads more than Leonard (the laptop). He's getting on a bit now though, he's so slow Chelle shouts at him which I find hilarious. Hugo (the home phone) thinks I'm being mean as once upon a time Leonard was her favourite and he spent many an hour sitting on her lap but now he sleeps behind the sofa in his bag the majority of the time.

Chelle uses me for many tasks including;
•Using the Internet
•To play games
•Sending text messages and emails
•Supermarket shopping
•Making lists (she has a lot of those)
•Keeping her diary
•I fulfil her app addiction
•Watching live tv
•Watching catch-up tv (every night, as it helps her to get to sleep)
•Taking photographs and videos
•She even does a lot of her writing on here as she likes that I put all the capital letters and full stops in the right order. I'm also a fabulous speller.
In fact I'm nearly darn perfect for her. I'm always there when she needs me. I entertain her for hours and hours. I ask nothing back in return. I love Chelle unconditionally. But she often works me so hard my battery needs recharging during the day. So she sits me in the kitchen on the breakfast bar and comes and checks on me every few minutes. My boss is so thoughtful, I mean, get this, when she sprays her hairspray she always covers me up with her towel or whatever's at hand. How caring's that?
Her hubs reckons I must be the most used iPhone in the history of iPhones! I mean, I'm busy now and recharging at the same time! Yes, and I can multi task too!

So, when do you recharge your batteries?

Am I too old for a tattoo?

Am I too old for a tattoo? Is there an age limit? Is it not deemed respectable to be inked? Am I respectable?! (I pause) Off course I am (well, most of the time)!
During my thirties I promised that I'd treat myself to a pretty design on my fortieth birthday, I thought of it as being a bit rebellious. I spent many years deciding between a little butterfly or flower. I say years, in fact if I added up the minutes it was probably very few.
As the day grew closer I realised that;
(a) I hadn't chosen which tattoo parlour to use.
(b) I hadn't decided on the design.
(c) I'd be in New York
So having my very first tattoo was postponed. As I'm forty-four this year (oh my gosh) maybe its time I considered it again.
What's brought this on, I hear you ask? Well I spent today with my friend Claire and her daughter Annabel, who's eight. Annabel had a fake tattoo on her arm which I told her looked good. She passed me her pack of "tattoos" that she'd brought with her and said I could choose one if I wanted.
Now, I know what you're thinking, they're for eight years olds not forty-three year old sophisticated ladies! And you're right! I don't play with My Little Ponies (I did once recently,well I was with Annabel) or Barbie dolls. I don't play on the swings or roundabouts. I don't go to the cinema to watch Disney films (only because Annabel has never invited me *sulking) I eat my vegetables. I don't just wear pink. I'm not into Justin Beiber (who?) and I don't watch Hannah Montana.

So you see my dilemma. At my age I shouldn't be wearing stick on tattoos. But I didn't want to upset my little friend, oh no, I'd hate myself for it. We spent a few minutes looking through them. I'll tell you something, they've changed since I was a girl, not a Daffy Duck or Pluto tattoo in sight! I decided on a pretty purple, sparkly star constellation to be positioned on my hand. Once the deed was done I'm not ashamed to say I loved it!
After I'd been temporarily branded we went out for lunch then to an ice-cream parlour. The very nice girl serving us said "I like your tattoo". I thanked her telling her the truth that it wasn't real. I now loved my "tattoo" even more!

I understand that women (and men) have tattoos in their forties and beyond and I'm certainly not judging them. But am I personally too old? What's the point in having one? Will my twenty-one year old son think I'm cool or just plain sad? Am I still clinging on to my youth? The picture below is one I've found and think its quite pretty. I think I'd have it done in purple as it's always been my favourite colour.

Or am I too old for a tattoo? 

What makes you laugh?

What makes you laugh? Is it comedians, sitcoms or someone you know?  Well I make myself laugh sometimes. Take the other today for example, hubs and I were browsing around a shop, he was way ahead of me down this particular aisle, obviously urging me to hurry up, while I checked out all the bargains. Good value shampoo and conditioners had my attention as I spotted one that made me chuckle as I thought it might suit my handsome but balding husband.
"Peter" I called in a loud voice. As he turned to face me, "do you want any of this Wash & Go or have you already used it" I paused "and it went"!
Well, as you can imagine I couldn't stop laughing, hubs just smiled and walked away embarrassed.

When we were slightly younger and it was bedtime and he'd be in the bathroom, sometimes I'd creep up to the door in total silence and wait, giggling to myself, and after I'd hear him flush I'd position myself (still giggling) so as soon as he opened the door he'd see me standing there! "Boo"!  I'd make him jump every time! Annoying for him but hilarious to me!  I don't do anymore though; well he is fifty this year and I've got to think about his ticker!

My friend Keith (aged 53) is naturally funny, his mannerisms, things he says and situations he gets in. One particular day we were working, (outdoors) Keith and I was with our colleagues Will and Dave. It was very early and very foggy; we were all wrapped up in coats hats and gloves apart from Keith who didn't have a woolly hat to keep his balding head warm. I offered him my hat but being gentlemanly he declined. We all chatted, laughed & jiggled about to stay warm.
All of a sudden Keith threw his hand to his head.
"What was that" he exclaimed? He looked at his hand, "uuurrrggghhh"!
A bird had pooped on his head! We all looked up but it was so misty you couldn't see a thing.
I burst out laughing and so did the lads!
"What were the chances of that happening? Maybe you should have worn a hat"!
Keith was grumbling and swearing, the rest of us thought it was hilarious. I grabbed my walkie talkie and called for hubs,  who was still in the office, and told him about Keith's unfortunate incident. Hubs replied saying that he was stood with our boss and he was concerned the bird had soiled on company uniform! That comment made us all laugh even more, apart from Keith of course!
I did go off and find him some tissue to help him clean himself up telling him that the bird that pooped on his head must have singled him out as he was the only one without a hat so it must be a sign of good luck, Keith just glared at me!

I have more amusing stories but I’ll save them for “What makes you laugh pt2”

On British TV recently has been a series called “An idiot abroad” It’s a travel documentary with a difference.  Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant send their friend Karl Pilkington to some amazing places around the world but unfortunately Karl isn’t easily impressed.  The first series takes him to the Seven Wonders of the World but a long the way Karl has tasks to perform and he’s no idea of them until he gets there. Karl isn’t the most cheerful of characters to say the least which helps to make each episode hilarious. A second series that followed was about Karls bucket list which he only agreed to do if Ricky and Stephen would guarantee that he’d always have a proper toilet to use. Unfortunately for Karl his “friends” didn’t keep to there promise!

The funniest show on at the minute is Mrs Browns Boys. It stars Brendon O’Carroll as Irish “Mammy” Agnes Brown to six grown up children.  Only for grown-ups though.  Its filmed in front of an audience, they ad-lib, laugh when they shouldn’t and don’t cover up any mistakes which adds to the farce that it is.  Its proper laugh out loud comedies assuming you don’t mind a bit of “fecking” swearing!

Whatever your sense of humour there is nothing better than laughing, well they do say it’s the best medicine.

So, what makes you laugh?